I made a surprising discovery during a visit to the local bowling alley. Before one can proceed with the game, a waiver must be accepted by each customer which states that Bowling Can Cause Physical Injury and that The Establishment is Not Responsible for Any That May Occur. Whew! I was so happy to learn of this possibility and I did accept the waiver, gratefully acknowleging that a broken leg or sprained wrist was possibly lurking in my future.
I went on to play three games but alas, Dear Local Bowling Alley, I encountered some hazards of which you may not be aware! Therefore, I am outlining further practical waivers you should put into place so that your customers know exactly what they cannot sue you for. As you know, the lawsuit possibilities are endless! My sincere wish is that no other unfortunate soul has to go through what I did, but more importantly I would hate for your establishment to close because you did not have the forethought to stay liability free! So, Dear Local Bowling Alley, take my advice and seek legal help so that you can draw up the following waivers immediately!
The Emotional Damage Waiver:
After accidently stepping on the black line, buzzers and bells sounded which alerted me to my error. Such embarassment and shame I felt! These feelings were not alleged, they were real! All the other bowlers stared and pointed!! Even worse, the pins that fell during said frame were NOT COUNTED. I feel that I may never be able to throw a ball down an alley again! This, of course, continues to cause me heavy emotional damage which is all your fault.
The Social-Anxiety Waiver:
Although I searched carefully, your establishment did NOT have a ball that was perfectly colored to match my outfit. My lime-green-colored shirt screamed with the only ball available that was the size and weight I needed -- a teal-tinted monstrosity with pale-blue marbling! My disgrace was palpable as I witnessed the other bowlers secretly giggling at this fashion faux-pas! I believe this was the direct cause of my high score being only 123 when, clearly, my established average is 168. How can I ever appear in public again when I am so obviously such a social outcast?
The Mother-Son Psychological Damage Waiver:
Because of the social and emotional damage I received while at your establishment, my scores were dismal. In fact, my son got a higher score than I did. How can I face him when he now realizes that he can actually beat me in a sports competition? In his eyes, I am less of a parent now that he realizes I am not perfect. Again, this is all your fault.
Since I am hardly the litigious type, I do not plan to contact my lawyer concerning the obvious damage that was inflicted upon me while bowling at your establishment. However, Dear Local Bowling Establishment, keep yourself free from all those valid lawsuits and heed my advice!!
You're welcome.....
